A couple of weeks ago Tonia was nearing the end of her Cvoid debacle when she received a Facebook memory of a time before she and her late husband were married. The post reminded her of a sweet gesture he’d made by surprising her when she came home from work with flowers, laundry completed, and a cleaned kitchen. The memory intensified her feelings of aloneness as she’d been having to take care of herself during her illness as well as tending to her 7 year old son and maintain her work responsibilities. That was clearly the WRONG time for that memory.
Facebook memories, while a great concept in theory, can really do a number on you. If you’re a Facebook user, you already know what these are. If you’re not, I’ll explain briefly. Facebook memories are random reminders of posts that you made on your Facebook page throughout the years. Facebook, now legally known as Meta, has been providing memories since 2010. When it first began, you may have been excited to see your posts from back in the day. Some memories can literally be that think that brightens your day when you need it most.
However, after losing a spouse, the memories can be your worst nightmare. Seeing post of your wedding day, honeymoon, anniversaries, random date nights with you boo can create an instant onslaught of tears that you weren’t expecting. Regardless of where you on your widow journey, being confronted by memories the life you had with your late spouse can affect you. It can be your first yea, your fifth year, or your tenth. Your reaction depends solely one where you are in widowhood when the memory resurfaces.
You do have options to consider.
I decided to look into use controls of these memories. If I remember correctly, when Facebook first started these memories, they’d just appear randomly on your Feed. Now Facebook has a separate page for the memories in which you can attempt to controls. Your options are:
You can control the notifications: Hide all memories, Only notify you of “special” memories, or you can request no notifications of any memories.
Another option is to hide memories of specific people or dates that you don’t want to be reminded of.
Now, this latter option may be a good temporary fix when you’re early in your journey or when you sense that random memories of your late spouse might trigger you. For example, during Valentines Day month, or Christmas, or the month of you or your spouses birthdays or anniversaries.
Whatever you decide about Facebook memories, the best thing to do is learn to manage the emotions that surface when faced with memories of your late spouse. You might not be there yet, but there will be times when you see those memories and feel a sense of gratefulness for that time you had with your spouse.
Remember…our deceased loved ones live on through our memories and thoughts of them. We’d love for you to share your favorite memories of your spouse, a Facebook post or one of your favorite pictures.
CBW
Conversations Between Widows 